and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
