I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
