Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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