my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
