He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
