i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
