Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
