I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
