I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
