weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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