The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
