I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I love you.
Bad choice
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
