Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
