she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Randomize
