he thought i was a dude.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
