Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
North Korea, Best Korea!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
