I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Your topless pictures make me question reality
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
