I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
