I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
