I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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