dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
