Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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