wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
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