Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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