i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
