You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
