My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
