I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
