Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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