who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Hippo gnu deer
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
