please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
