I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
