it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
