I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
