thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
