I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
