Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
