Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
