I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
