I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
