was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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