I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
