I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
