i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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