I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
