I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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