just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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