hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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