Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
