My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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