Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
