Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
