So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
